Article 13923 | Grave Matters
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Where There Is A Will, There Is A Way.

It is not always understood by maturing parents and/or, family members and/or friends, who do not make a will, that they are causing many of their children, family members and friends to experience huge anxieties and difficulties, concerning the ailing or bereaved family member or friend and their remaining estates or assets, causing siblings, family members and friends to be in conflict. In some situations where there has been a bereavement and no will has been made, this can cause family members to race to be administrators (the six month timeframe allowed to apply for ‘Whole Blood’ children to be named as an ‘Administrator’ to the estate) and 3rd parties to fight for their claims, leaving the children and family members to a traumatic, horrible, emotionally draining, jarring and often combative situation.

The tremendous anxiety that this causes to each individual ‘whole blood’ family member and those family members (who are not ‘Whole Blood’) immediately affected, plus the extended family, is such that it causes irreparable damage to all of these relationships and family ties.


64054694 - vintage / retro style : blue ballpoint pen, antique pocket watch, two brass keys and a last will and testament on a vinyl desk pad. a form is waiting to be filled and signed by testator / testatrix.

It can be such an emotionally conflicting and combative time with family and friends, on top of an extremely technical legal situation, plus involves challenging legal processes and procedures, that can sap all of your energy.

The amount of time it takes out of your life and also the lives of family members and friends, is enormous and is completely underestimated.

The emotional cost of trying to deal with the loss of someone you love and/or is ailing, while still having to practically sort through all the advice and options, plus potentially you could be fighting with the views, opinions, preferences and attitudes of that person you love, your family or their family and friends, can be so intense that it drains you of all your energy.


The mental cost can be great, sleepless nights, worrying, trying to get things right, trying to do the right thing, trying sometimes to please everyone involved, leaving you with no space in your own mind, to think and clear your mind.

The physical cost can be stress, fatigue, lethargy, lack of sleep, medical disorders like headaches, sickness, skin rashes, colds, over eating, poor diet and other issues.

The spiritual cost can be loss of belief in family, friends, other people and human nature, the surprise when you discover that people are not who and what you thought they were, including your sadness, disappointment in them and more.

The financial cost, the loss of work time, cost of solicitors, investigations, third party individuals such as; property, property alterations and assets, plus security, including locks changes, removal of online accounts, closure of bank accounts, unknown bank accounts, removal companies, inventory fees, sorting through personal affects, waste disposal companies, the funeral, the grave plot, grave stone, funeral catering, notices, venue hire, ceremony hire, transportation, contract fees, registration fees, organisational fees, service fees, administration fees, inheritance tax and insurance policies, travel and transportation, funeral directors, clothing and eulogies,  just to name a few things.


There are a few areas to consider and the above plus below is not an exhaustive list:


Will Benefactors or Recipients:

A note of caution! – If there is a will, then there is the risk that any potential share the estate, could be a debt share, meaning that the liability of the estates/assets if outstanding monies is owed on the estate, potentially could be transferred to the ‘will’ benefactors or recipients. Legal advice is essential for peace of mind.



Not having made a will before one dies.

A person who has died without having made a will.

If there is no will made, then only the spouse and/or, whole blood children and/or, whole blood children’s children,will potentially share the estate.


Power of Attorney:

A power of attorney or letter of attorney is a written authorization to represent or act on another’s behalf in private affairs, business, or some other legal matter. The person authorizing the other to act is the principal, grantor, or donor.

This gives you more control over what happens to your ailing family member or friend, if they have an accident or an illness and can’t make their own decisions as they may ‘lack the mental capacity’.

You must be 18 or over and have the mental capacity (and your ailing family member or friend must have the ability to make their own decisions) to be given PA. This is normally assessed by medical professionals as part of the granting the Power of Attorney process.



You will have make to sure that all insurance policies  and documentation have been copied and is known to the spouse and/or all whole blood children, legal teams.


Lasting Power of Attorney  (including medical care):

A lasting power of attorney (LPA) is a legal document that lets you (the ‘donor’) appoint one or more people (known as ‘attorneys’) to help you make decisions or to make decisions on your behalf.

This gives you more control over what happens to you if you have an accident or an illness and can’t make your own decisions (if you ‘lack the mental capacity’’).

You must be 18 or over and have mental capacity (the ability to make your own decisions) when you make your LPA.

You don’t need to live in the UK or be a British citizen.


There are two types of Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA):

Health and welfare

Property and financial affairs

You can choose to make one type or both.


How to make a Lasting Power of Attorney:

You can have more than one.

Register your LPA with the Office of the Public Guardian (this can take up to 10 weeks).


Medical Care, Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease:

The ability to make your own decisions needs to be determined medically and legally before it is deemed too late to do so. Once you lose a mental capacity ‘assessment decision’ via medical professionals, then the spouse and/or, ‘Whole Blood’ children and/or friend, cannot act on behalf of their spouse, parent, family member or friend, because it becomes a government legal process (It can be just  as difficult as intestate or equivalent to it).


Families need to talk earlier, before it is too late:

More families need to talk about these issues and openly discuss the best way forward with legal professionals and other advisors, to obtain the best options, so that hopefully a consensus decision can me reached. However not all individuals will have the same views or opinions and may not agree 100%, plus some individuals may not agree at all and the conflict then escalates legally, causing a legal battle that can leave long term, irreparable and irreversible damage to relationships).


Old fashioned attitudes and obstinate ailing family members or friends who have not made a will:

Sometimes ailing family and friends have traditions, customs, faith practices and beliefs that are strongly held and they are reluctant to discuss or contemplate discussing issues surrounding their physical or mental deterioration, or death. Before it is legally too late, this needs to be overcome.


Home carer services and/or, being a home carer and/or, primary carer:

This is a very difficult situation if you are in this position and or find you need to prepare for this. Realistic planning is the key and understanding the impact of any day to day care required, including alterations to homes and/or living accommodations.

There are also realities for family and friend carers, which are financial, physical, psychological and emotional.

You may not foresee or anticipate that you might through circumstances or are forced to become the carer for your ailing family member or friend.


This is an overwhelmingly difficult time that you cannot fully comprehend until you are in it, therefore it is essential that you take all the practical, necessary avenues and steps now, before you are in the situation where you cannot properly function normally, due to your grief and also the grief of other family members or friends.

It is important to give yourself time and space for your emotional needs, including the emotional needs of family and others around you affected.

Remember it will be a difficult time for you, including all your family and friends around you, plus people will behave not in the way you expect. You may need to seek and receive counselling, from family, friends and/or, a professionally qualified counsellor.


‘If you are facing any of the above, our sincere thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family and your friends.’


See other articles in this series:

*  Stop fixing me, why do you keep fixing me?



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